If I were Satan, I’d make you feel bad that you didn’t get laid on Valentine’s Day
I would convince you that the tigers do not come at night, and that Anne Hathaway pushed too hard in Les Miz…
I would get rid of my name, “Satan” as a keyword on the Internet.
I would remove “wholesome” from the lexicon.
If I were Satan, I would convince you that prayers are said by idiots.
I would make everyone move to the city where sunrises and sunsets were harder to view.
I would remove romantics like Shakespeare from the public classroom.
I would do fun stuff like create a Jesus dress-up kit designed by Lady Gaga…
I would help out hot singers at Superbowl half-time and make everyone else not feel not-so-hot, also ugly and fat with bad skin.
If I were Satan, I would convince people that Paul Harvey’s ” God Made A Farmer” was really about selling a truck.
I would make the most important holiday the birthday so everyone could celebrate themselves .
I would make sure society unlearned that the theorist behind the “Big Bang” was a follower of Jesus.
If I were Satan, I would make everyone totally busy so that didn’t have time for coffee with old friends…
I would create a smart phone you could have sex with.
I would make music so awesome that the sounds of birds warbling no longer seemed like a poem.
If I were Satan, I would convince you that you and I never spoke.
Inspired by the reading of The Satanic Bible by Anton Lavey and “If I Were The Devil” by radio personality, Paul Harvey. The content however on this page is original and from the author associated with this website.