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In a conclusion that would have Freud jumping for joy, the warmth of your relationship with mom is seminal to your happiness. That’s right. Mom. And to top it off, along the way, if you have a strong relationship with mom, you might make a lot more money, too.
For eighty years, Harvard’s Grant and Glueck study, one of the longest longitudinal studies of human development, has tracked the physical and emotional well-being of two populations: 456 poor men growing up in Boston from 1939 to 2018 (the Grant Study), and 268 male graduates from Harvard’s classes of 1939–1944 (the Glueck study).
Due to the length of the research period, this has required multiple generations of researchers. Since before WWII, they’ve diligently analyzed blood samples, conducted brain scans (once they became available), and pored over self-reported surveys, as well as actual interactions with these men, to compile the findings.
Recently, George Vaillant,a psychiatrist who directed the study for more than three decades, summed-up the insights the study has yielded. “It is a straightforward five-word conclusion: ‘Happiness is love. Full stop.’ ”
Relationships, more than genes or circumstance , were at the core of human satisfaction and happiness. “Good relationships keep us happier and healthier,” said Robert J. Waldinger, professor at Harvard Medical School. As a predictor of how the men would turn out, body type proved useless. So did birth order, and above a certain intelligence, IQ was no help. Even social class was no sure thing in determining a happy, healthy life into old age. No, the biggest predictor of your happiness and fulfillment overall in life is, basically, love. “Relationships are messy and they’re complicated,” said Waldinger, “ but the good life is built with good relationships.”
A healthy relationship with mom had very specific results with the men who have been studied for over eight decades:
- Men who had “warm” childhood relationships with their mothers earned an average of $87,000 more a year than men whose mothers were uncaring.
- Men who had poor childhood relationships with their mothers were much more likely to develop dementia when old.
- Late in their professional lives, the men’s boyhood relationships with their mothers — but not with their fathers — were associated with effectiveness at work.
A solid relationship with mom can help weather the traumas of later adulthood. Prioritizing what’s important is challenging in today’s world. The multi-focus required to maintain career, self, and home, not to mention a Facebook feed, can feel overwhelming.
The next time you’re scrolling through Instagram instead of being present at the table with your significant other, or you’re considering staying late at the office instead of getting together with your close friend, or you catch yourself working on a Saturday instead of going to the farmer’s market with your dear old mom, consider making a different choice.
By the way, don’t forget to remember mom this Sunday, May 13th. It will make mom happy. It will make you happy, too.
