If I were Satan, I’d Make You feel Bad on Valentine’s Day

February 11, 2013
"Red Man" made of Coke Crates in Cape Town, South Africa

“Red Man” made of Coke crates in Cape Town, South Africa

If I were Satan, I’d make  you feel bad that you didn’t get laid on Valentine’s Day

I would convince you that the tigers do not come at night, and that Anne Hathaway pushed too hard in Les Miz…

I would get rid of my name, “Satan” as a keyword on the Internet.

I would remove “wholesome” from the lexicon.

If I were Satan, I would convince you that prayers are said by  idiots.

I would make everyone move to the city where sunrises and sunsets were harder to view.

I would remove romantics like Shakespeare from the public classroom.

I would do fun stuff  like create a Jesus dress-up kit designed by Lady Gaga…

I would help out  hot singers at  Superbowl  half-time and make everyone else not feel  not-so-hot, also ugly and fat with bad skin.

If I were Satan, I would convince people that Paul Harvey’s ” God Made A Farmer” was really about selling a truck.

I would make the most important holiday the birthday so everyone could celebrate themselves .

I would make sure society unlearned that the theorist behind the “Big Bang” was a follower of  Jesus.

If I were Satan, I would make everyone totally busy so that didn’t have time for  coffee with old friends…

I would create a smart phone you could have sex with.

I would make music so awesome that the sounds of birds warbling no longer seemed like a poem.

If I were Satan, I would convince you that you and I never spoke.

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Inspired by the reading of The Satanic Bible by Anton Lavey and “If I Were The Devil” by radio personality, Paul Harvey. The content however on this page  is original and from the author associated with this website.

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3 responses to If I were Satan, I’d Make You feel Bad on Valentine’s Day

  1. A little too intuitive, David. Should I worry about you? 🙂

    If I were Satan, I’d encourage the American church to stay exactly the way it is today.

  2. Very funny, Rick! Indeed! I have been doing my research in studying the beast — but shall not, thanks to grace, get too close! Yes, as it relates to the church , that seems sadly true!

  3. That was deep man, we need to know !!!!!!!!