If I were Satan, I’d Make You feel Bad on Valentine’s Day

February 11, 2013 — 3 Comments
"Red Man" made of Coke Crates in Cape Town, South Africa

“Red Man” made of Coke crates in Cape Town, South Africa

If I were Satan, I’d make  you feel bad that you didn’t get laid on Valentine’s Day

I would convince you that the tigers do not come at night, and that Anne Hathaway pushed too hard in Les Miz…

I would get rid of my name, “Satan” as a keyword on the Internet.

I would remove “wholesome” from the lexicon.

If I were Satan, I would convince you that prayers are said by  idiots.

I would make everyone move to the city where sunrises and sunsets were harder to view.

I would remove romantics like Shakespeare from the public classroom.

I would do fun stuff  like create a Jesus dress-up kit designed by Lady Gaga…

I would help out  hot singers at  Superbowl  half-time and make everyone else not feel  not-so-hot, also ugly and fat with bad skin.

If I were Satan, I would convince people that Paul Harvey’s ” God Made A Farmer” was really about selling a truck.

I would make the most important holiday the birthday so everyone could celebrate themselves .

I would make sure society unlearned that the theorist behind the “Big Bang” was a follower of  Jesus.

If I were Satan, I would make everyone totally busy so that didn’t have time for  coffee with old friends…

I would create a smart phone you could have sex with.

I would make music so awesome that the sounds of birds warbling no longer seemed like a poem.

If I were Satan, I would convince you that you and I never spoke.

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Inspired by the reading of The Satanic Bible by Anton Lavey and “If I Were The Devil” by radio personality, Paul Harvey. The content however on this page  is original and from the author associated with this website.

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3 responses to If I were Satan, I’d Make You feel Bad on Valentine’s Day

  1. A little too intuitive, David. Should I worry about you? 🙂

    If I were Satan, I’d encourage the American church to stay exactly the way it is today.

  2. Very funny, Rick! Indeed! I have been doing my research in studying the beast — but shall not, thanks to grace, get too close! Yes, as it relates to the church , that seems sadly true!

  3. That was deep man, we need to know !!!!!!!!

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